sayonara..2007..

2007 engraved some of the most painful memories of my life..
from a wedding planning in March..to a resolution of no wedding in November..
everyday i kept thinking..should i let go?
and every time i did..my little heart says..keep praying..God is listening..
and every time i did..tears roll..
coz every time i did..i see the beauty of love..

i don't want this love to go to waste..
so i keep praying..i keep hoping God would answer my prayers..
but then again..we are just humans..
and God has plans for each and every one of us..
i always pray that God would count my prayers in His plan for me..
huhuh..sounds lame..but that's what i always hoped for..

i tried to smile..i tried to laugh..
but in the end of the day i'm filled with tears..
so God please help me through the coming year..
as You had help me in the past..

"kasih sayang tiada batasan..tapi kasih sayang yang tiada batasan tu lebih bermakna jika diberikan kepada seorang yg sangat istimewa.."

quick updates!

this one's gonna be a hell long post..hahah..too much too look back actually..but i'll start from where i've left off okay...

17th September 2007

I received the report for duty letter from JPA..my reporting date would be on 27th September 2007, 8:00am, Auditorium Jabatan Perdana Menteri..notice how much time i've left to do my medical check-up and all? luckily my mom's a nurse..so i get to settle my medical check-up and reports in 4 days...

27th September 2007

though i've asked yam to show me the way to Putrajaya..i was still unsure of my way till i arrived there..and guess what..the whole place was full of cars..what's annoying was a lot of the cars there had people inside..i guess all those officers reporting for duty had family members waiting for them..but please la..that place was damned packed..those people in the car apela salahnye move along and wait somewhere else..its not like you can see them reporting for duty there..adehlaa..mcm first day skolah la pulak..parents duk tunggu2..aku gak yang terkial-kial gi lapor diri sensorang..dahla lambat psl xde tempat parking..inconsiderate!! fortunately the registration line was still long when i arrived at the hall..no harm done..

in total there were about 120 IT officers reporting for duty that day..we had seminar for half of the day..supposed we should be attending a week's course..but then it was fasting month..it would be tiring for them and us..during the seminar..the speaker told us that about 20 of us will be placed under the Kementerian Perumahan dan Kerajaan Tempatan and will be sent to rural areas..not so surprisingly..i was one of them..(i had a gut feeling when the speaker told us about it..instinct? hmmmm..)

after the seminar..i got myself a friend..and we went to the kementerian to report for duty together..when we arrived..there were 2 other officers there..th rest of the officers showed up the next day..

28th September 2007

my first day at work at kementerian perumahan & kerajaan tempatan..get to know the rest of the officers..and received the good news..no leave for the first working month..meaning..no Hari Raya holiday??!!..it was too late to buy bus ticket or train ticket..all sold out since the last week..i had to drive home which was much to the objection of my parents..but i insist on driving home..or i wont come back for Hari Raya..hahah..they had to give in..

13th October 2007

It was Hari Raya..i arrived home on hari raya eve..fortunately i was saved from driving home in the morning of Hari Raya coz my mom's friend's son was to accompany me driving that evening..
on the third day of Hari Raya..while my family were still celebrating..i had to pack and go back to kl..what a bum..

16th October 2007

back in the office that seemed to be empty..except for us..the IT officers..we filled up the hellish boring days with decorating the place for Hari Raya makan-makan..

22nd October 2007

Hari Raya makan-makan day at JKT KPKT..our department made the simplest dish of all..rojak buah..oh..i forgot to mention..my cousin also work here..but that day was the first day i've seen him at the office..huhu..his department brought lontong..

25th October 2007

Hari Raya makan-makan day with the minister of KPKT..quite a vast variety of food..took my time to have a go at everything..yum yum..

27th October 2007

Finally our posting has been confirmed..i got my first choice..Majlis Daerah Kinta Barat, Batu Gajah..about half an hour from my family house..we got all our letters..and we had a meeting with TKP I and Datin KP JKT KPKT..but i'm not sure when..forgot already..

31st October 2007

time to say goodbye to my friends..as we embark on the journey to our new posting..we also received a box of office stationeries..in case the Majlis poeple don't want to provide for the Kementerian people..ahakss..

5th November 2007

Reporting for duty at Majlis Daerah Kinta Barat..surprisingly they have been analyzing my details right to where and when i was born from my IC number..not really flattered but...eek!

bureaucracy matters..

fuhh..i manage to leave this poor blog all alone for the past few months...hmm..while currently i am in rage now with the bureaucracy of the local governments of this state..what is the matter with an IT Officer configuring a modem by herself..its not like i'm a damn know-nothinger..calling the TM staff will take at least 48hrs..and we need the internet connection to stay ahead of the others..hello? what's the use of having IT staff in the local governments if they can't be used to even configure a damn modem? still require the TM Net staff to come and do the service report and everything..what the f?? is this how the local government treats their human resources? by denying them their ability and make them stick through all those damn silly procedures? is this how the local government going to advance for the next few years? i really doubt it..

thinking back..i'd rather work in the private sector than with the government..but again thinking..working with the government...you gain all kinds of benefits..but in return you're just like a robot..especially in local-governments..if you're at lower-level..nobody's gonna even look at your opinion no matter how sensible it is..no matter how hot the meeting room is..the decision is still in the hands the higher-ups..

don't they realize the local private sector is far far far far ahead than the local government? to those government spy reading this ..think about it..i don't mind being sacked for this..but if you sack me..you are sacking probably one of the most valuable government servant in the future..i serve the government because i want to see the government change..and i want to be among the people who makes the local government be ahead of others..not just for the benefits i gain..

have you ever wonder?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Do infants enjoy infantry as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why is it called building when it is already built?
If a book about failures sells, is it a success ?
If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

have you ever wonder what the answers would be?.. huhu..

Rahsia Hati..huhu..secrets..secrets..

This song didn't suit me much before..but it really does now..thanx to the one who gave it to me three years ago..its because of him..this song became my life now..its on the playlist..enjoy..

Waktu terus berlalu tanpa kusadari
Yang ada hanya aku dan kenangan
Masih teringat jelas
Senyum terakhir yang kau beri untukku
Tak pernah ku mencoba
Dan tak ingin ku mengisi hatiku
Dengan cinta yang lain
Kan ku biarkan ruang hampa didalam hidupku
Bila aku harus mencintai dan berbagi hati
Itu hanya denganmu
Namun bila... kuharus tanpamu
Akan tetap kuarungi hidup tanpa bercinta
Hooo... hanya dirimu yang pernah
Tenangkan ku dalam pelukmu
Saat kumenangis
Bila aku harus mencintai dan berbagi hati
Itu hanya denganmu
Namun bila... kuharus tanpamu
Akan tetap kuarungi hidup tanpa cinta...
Bila aku harus mencintai dan berbagi hati
Itu hanya denganmu
Dan bila kuharus tanpamu
Akan tetap kuarungi hidup tanpa bercinta
Tak pernah ku mencoba
Dan tak ingin ku mengisi hatiku

fuhh..can't believe i've been doing this all day

i've finally added an mp3 playlist on the sidebar..i've been experimenting with a few..for example..there's one from here..

the setup is very simple..first you create an account..then you can start creating your playlists..and yes..you can have several of them..you can browse available mp3 from its search engine..or provide the link to your mp3..you can arrange your mp3s according to your favourite order..and then with just the click buttons..you can get the codes that can paste into your myspace, friendster profile, blog etc..but the down side is..the player is not customizable enough for me..i need the player's height and width to be customizable to make it fit on the side bar..

so i made a journey to my friend's blog and saw his player..nice..his player came from here..hehe..tenkiu khairie..

it is also available for other types of media..in fact you can have all media in one player..fufufu..but mp3 player is enuff for me at the moment..although its licensed..it is free for noncommercial use..i hope i'm using it here noncommercially..hehe..the setup is simple too..all you have to do is download the player .swf and its script (sfwobject.js)..put them on your site..or wherever you host your files online..and generate the embed code here..
easy!..and its very customizable..huhu..

if you wanna make a background music for your site..just use the following code..

<embed src="yourmusicfile.mp3" width="144" height="74" type="audio/mpeg" autostart="false" loop="false" bgcolor="white">
</embed>

just increase the width and height so that your site visitor can use the control so they can stop the music if its not to their liking..

hmm..a delicious laksa is waiting for me downstairs..daa..

Life is like a Boat - Rie Fu (Bleach)

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on comin' and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you thru another day

Tookude iki wo shiteru toumei ni nattamitai
(Breathing in the distance as if I've become transparent)
Kurayami ni omoe takedo mekaku shisarete tadake
(It seemed to be the dark, but I was merely blindfolded)

Inori wo sasagete atarashii hi wo matsu
(I offer my prayers and wait for a new day)
Azayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made
( To the end of the sea that shines vividly)

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

Hito no kokoro wa utsuri yuku nukedashita kunaru
(People's hearts move and want to slip out)
Tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de fune wo tsureteku
( The moon in its new cycle brings along boats again)

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I.... can see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you, and keep you strong

Tabi wa mada tsudzuiteku odayakana hi mo
(The journey is still continuing, on the calm days, too)
Tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de fune wo terashidasu
( The moon in its new cycle begins to shine on boats again)

Inori wo sasagete atarashii hi wo matsu
(I offer my prayers and wait for a new day)
Azayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made
( To the end of the sea that shines vividly)

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

Unmei no fune wo kogi
(Rowing the boat of destiny)
nami wa tsugi kara tsugi e to
(The waves assault us)
Watashitachi wo osou kedo
(One after the next)
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne
(But that's a wonderful journey, too)
Dore mo suteki na tabi ne
(Any one of them is a wonderful journey)

no strings attached

breath taking..amazing..smart moves..check it out..

urghh..i'm torn!!!!

which one should i choose!!! i'm sooo in love with Sony Ericsson S500i Mysterious Green..but but but..W580i has all the functions that i need!!! i am really torn..huhuh..

on the right, is the mysterious green babe..nice huhh..suits my taste..so in love..isk..isk..but the down side is, it doesn't have the FM radio function..i am really thinking whether i really need the FM radio function..my current phone has that function..but then i never found the time to use it..hmmm..
but then..look what its walkman sibling has to offer...



they look the same? you bet..in fact they share the same specifications..2MP camera with 4x zoom..and the exact same design..only different set of colours..the walkman series inherits the outrageous orange colour.. and the w580i has extra features like the FM radio, and the shake control..its like..well..a song from your playlist is randomly chosen at the flick of your wrist..its like..you can change to a new song with just a shake..sweet huh! you bet..isk..that's why i'm so damn torn..*sigh*..

wish money would just come pouring down..then i can have them both!! haha..
decisions..decisions..

looking at the past..

just like the title..i've been looking at my past..to why i became like this today..being thrown away..just like a doll without feelings..perhaps it is a punishment brought unto me for casting away someone from my life..someone who truly loved me for what i am..

i cast him away just because he trusted another girl instead of me..i don't know how..but somehow he got the message like i was giving a warning to that girl..duhh..and for that..he asked for a break-up..what a jerk..that was what i thought of him back then..yeah..that girl too had no respect for other people's relationship..why are they always in my life demit? so desperate ah? taking other people's boyfriend? dh x laku sgt kut?

i begged like hell..for him to accept me back..he did though..but on a condition that i must not make contact with him..not even once for a year..it drove me crazy..that i had to find somebody to talk to..which happen to be my latest ex..who encouraged me to leave that jerk..well..most of my friends that time encourage me to leave him..it was a very hard decision for me..but i do feel sorry for my self at that time..so i set my heart on it..

he brought his parents and came to see me..he even wrote a letter for me to read..God knows how touching it was and tears running non-stop..and how i really want to have him back..but..i don't know..my heart was so set up on leaving him..was it because i have another person? his mother asked me..i just..said 'no..not really'..

but perhaps it really was because of that other person..the person who was up almost every nite keeping me company and listening to me..the person who dragged me to slow rock cafe at nite and forced me to cry in front of him..the person who introduced me to One Piece my #1 anime now..

i know he went back home in tears..i know it hurts him so much..

i can't say how much i regret leaving him like that..he emailed me few times..but the truth is..i didn't check my mailbox until a month later..when it was all to late..when i have already made a vow to love no one but that other person..perhaps it was meant to be..that i didn't check my mailbox..i really can't do anything about it..though that person at the time was ready to let me go..i can't do it..i've already made a vow..only to be broken when i can no longer give him hope..

but it seems like everything was for the better at that time..my parents liked the new person..which was a blessing for me..but then..the sunny days became stormy nites..

and now i'm stranded alone..

i dedicate this post to my first love..i know you have forgiven me..but i still feel that i haven't apologized enough..i'm happy to see that you're happy now..and i hope you won't end up like me..now i know what its like..stranded alone..remembering every sweet memories with so much pain..that i feel apologizing to you will never be enough..

to my current love..its up to you..there's nothing i can do if your heart is so determined..i am sorry for all the troubled i've cost you..but if we're really not meant to be together..i really don't want to have anything to do with you..so for the time being..please give me time..give me enough time to settle my debts..and give me time to stand up properly on my own so i wont depend on you anymore..its all i'm asking for now..of course i really want you to love me..respect me..but then..its all up to you..thanx for everything syg..somehow..i can't stop loving you..no matter what you did..it feels so weird..but still..the love is still there..and growing..

respect

from wikipedia..

"Respect is an assumption of good faith and competence in another person or in the whole of oneself. Depth of integrity, trust, complementary moral values, and skill are necessary components.

Respect adds general reliability to social interactions. It enables people to work together in a complimentary fashion, instead of each person having to understand or even agree with every detail of another's method. And further more: If you dovetail things you get them working together. It is very important we dovetail our respective interests.."

huhuh..it sounds so complicated..so what is respect actually? basically for me..respect is to honor one's view..in my opinion respect is very important in a relationship..well you have to respect each other rite?

so what if both of you have different views? or both of you see the world differently? as long as there's respect..i don't think that should be a reason for you to say your relationship is going nowhere..no matter how angry you are with your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend..respect must always come first..but we are not perfect..we always slipped and hurt people's feeling..sometimes without even realizing it..and most of that angry time..we disregard our respect towards our partner..(been there..done that..)

i have had this situation..where my ex-boyfriend went out with his ex-girlfriend when we were having a fight..he knows..that i think you shouldn't meet your ex(s) when you are in a relationship..that's my view..but for him its nothing wrong with it..i respect his view..i could let him be if he could only respect mine..by at least telling me he's making contact with her..or spending the time with her..

here's my painful account..i found out thru his email..its like God wants to show me something..he purchased movie tickets for two..the show starts at 930pm..i found out at 1115pm..without thinking i dressed up..unconsciously running while deciding whether to drive or take a cab..in the end i just prayed..that if God really wants to show me something..let this be smooth..right on..exactly when i reached to road side..a cab was in front of me..when i reached there..my instinct told me to stop at the car park..and i went in searching for his car..i thought i saw it..but i just couldn't believe it at first that i seek for help at the security counter coming up some strange stories..but then i wasn't mistaken..it really was his car that i saw..and i waited there..it was 1140pm..in just about half an hour..in my heart i was determined..if the one he's going out with is a guy..i'll take a cab home..but if its not..i'll leave it to God on what will happen..

alas..it was that girl..who in my opinion..doesn't really know how to respect and appreciate people..that girl used to dump my ex-boyfriend with insults and contempt..my ex-boyfriend at that time..who was penniless..who had nothing..scampered away every time he saw her after that..just to stay away from her view..who was she anyway? the daughter of a lord?..it was much to my disgust every time i saw that happened..

and now..when my ex-boyfriend has it all..money..car..good job..branded clothes..she made contact with him..get the vibes anyone? haha..most of the people whom i shared this with..said she's going to make my ex-boyfriend her spare-part in case her rich boyfriend dumps her..which i hope God forbids..because people who have the guts to abject other people..especially when they they are not in the position for it..is not suited to be with other people except themselves..a malaysian way to say it..who eats chillies gets the taste..hahah..

oh yeah..when i confront her..her reason was to make amends with him..yeah rite..behind my back..going out together with him..don't you know how to respect other peoples' relationship girl? coz if you don't..people won't respect yours..well..just take good care of your boyfriend girl..you won't want him to go away do you? and uhh..one more thing..relationships with your ex(s) who are currently someone's boyfriend..is not just your private life..you are interfering with another girl's private life..keep that in mind

i had a principle in my life that says..i won't contact my ex(s) especially when i'm the one who dumps them..but its been changed a bit an now became..if i want to make contact with my ex(s) i must let my current boyfried/husband knows and comfortable about it..if he's not..i'll do anything to make him feel comfortable..and if that ex of mine is already in a relationship..if its other than school reunions or formal meeting..i must make sure sure that his girlfriend/wife knows..and comfortable about it..(well actually the truth is..most women is not comfortable when they hear their spouse is seeing their ex(s)..)..so for me..its easier not to make contacts with my ex(s) at all..unless i really have to..i don't have to worry about hurting other girl's feeling..

so girls..rest assured..i'm the type that respects other people's relationship..and if you know about mine..then i would appreciate nothing more than your respect for my relationship..and to guys who are in a relationship..don't you dare to try me..coz if you do..i'll put you on my "men that cannot be trusted AT ALL" list..and publicize it if i feel like it..oh yeah..i'll find out about your girlfriends and tell them what you've been doing..perhaps it could help them decide whether to keep you or not..

ahh~..there's nothing sweeter than revenge..at times..

that's all for this morning's input..

the end of the day of the end..

hoho..after having wet hours..i finally decided to spend the day at midvalley..watching movie..at first i wanted go out with dayah n introduce her to tqa..but then..dayah kat kampung le plak..

i called up tqa to check whether she still have the GSC FunBreak coupons..but unfortunately she didn't..then i had the beautiful plan of having shy to print them for us..but then..shy is in kelana jaya..apparently he's been staying with his friend to ease the travel expenses..ouch..fufu..

so me n tqa planned to meet at the midvalley..i head out at 1330..n guess what..i only get to park at 1510..my God..i can't believe i spent almost 2 hours searching for parking..i can't help but cry in the car while swearing..it turns out to be my unluckiest day today..now i really hate midvalley parking lots..the machines keep coughing up tickets even though there were barely any parking space available..maybe they should use a system for parking sensors..haha..

wait a sec..not a bad idea rite?
like tqa said..it would be very nice if at the moment you get your ticket..a parking space is reserved for you..i like..
hmmmmmmmm..don't go stealing it!!

but the parking incidents only happens on weekends and holidays..the rest of the week..parking is still a pain..but still manageable..huhu..i hope the situation clears up soon..

okay..while i was swearing the hell out of me searching for parking..tqa was stuck with the KTM train being delayed for AN HOUR..well..she just can't stand waiting..(i would too..)..and take the putra instead..she was showering me with smses..but gomenasaii!! there were no mobile service in that damn part of the midvalley parking lot..i only received loads of her smses when i reached the central parking lot..after i finally get to park my car..thank God..

tqa bought the tickets for ratatouille (rat.a.too.ee..hehe) at 1840..so we stopped for some takoyaki..my favorite..then i went for my prayers..after that we head to jusco..because i need to use the washroom..gosh..the RUSS teddy bears are so cute! i just need to have one..huhu..

meet my new boyfriend..his name's Ben..i really had a hard time choosing since there were so many Bens there (as there many useless men out there..)..huhu..but still..i wasn't really picky at all..i just took the one that looks most adorable to me..he's not all that perfect..(nobody is)..but i still love him..since i chose him..i'm supposed to love him whether he's perfect or not rite?

you can't just pick someone up..and then let her/him down..just because she/he is not perfect..or just because she/he does not suit you anymore..from the moment you chose to love her/him..you are supposed to be ready to accept her/him as what they are..and what they will be..running out from a relationship..to me is nothing more than a coward..especially when you can't accept your own fault and don't want to take responsibility..for making that someone love you..and then to leave her/him..is just awful..

i've also got a cactus as a pet..haha..actually i bought the cactus when i went out with dayah last tuesday..come to think of it..i'm not sure what type of cactus is this..so i tried googling for it..but i can't seem to find any cactus that looked like this..is it really a cactus? huhu..don't really care..but i'll find the answer one day..



okay..back to the adventures of the day..after fooling around in jusco..we head to the secret recipe..i was dying for its noodle in tom yam kung..(try it!!)..it definitely made my day..(for a few hours..)..by the time we finished eating, it was time to hit the cinema..got ourselves some popcorn, mashed potato and corn-in-cup..and got seated..

i really love fictions..they really get you out of reality..huhuhh..i love ratatouille..must have it in my collection..hehe..actually..ratatouille refers to a peasant dish made by the famous chef Augusto..huhuh..but really..that rat is damn good cook..haha..

after the movie..i was planning to share fruit cocktail with tqa..on the way we stopped at one of the tills near the food court..n i got myself a handphone protective case..guess what's the colour?
haha..but unfortunately..all the desserts were sold out..so i had to settle with coke..

next..nothing soothes like crazy shopping (only for a few hours..)..that's when i got my Ben..also bought myself a new pair of shoes..again..haha..xpe xpe..kasut raya..huhu

then it was time to get back..since my car was parked quite a distance..so we decided to get the car first and park near the pay stations..why? because both of our handphones were dead..it was really hard reaching each other when i finally arrived IN the midvalley shopping complex..haha..then i dropped tqa at the lrt station..

and now..here i am..back again..alone to face the coming days..but since i have Ben..i think i'll be fine..hopefully..nice to meet you Ben..at least i know you will never leave me..

the day of the beginning and the end..

somehow there were no fireworks at klcc this year..
perhaps it was signaling the end of my relationship..
that started beneath them 3 yrs ago..

somehow my lucky charm chain broke..
and i couldn't find the piece everywhere i looked..
perhaps it was signaling the breaking of my heart..

its 31st august..its my relationship anniversary..
but its also the end..
thanx to no one but me n myself..
o yea..there's another someone who just don't know how to respect other people's relationship..
i would laugh out loud if hers comes to end..honestly..i hope so..

somehow i feel so alone..
even being amidst of thousands..
will not change how i feel..

somehow my whole life got shattered..
i tried to put them together..
but i just can't find the pieces that holds them together..

its so damn hard being this way..
i wish i could just disappear..
along with all the records of my existence in this world..
along with the memories of my existence in this world..

to my friends..please accept my apologies..
for worrying you much..
you all have been good friends..
i'll never forget..

an evaluation of myself as a lover..

Orang yang mencintai kamu tidak pernah mampu memberikan alasan kenapa dia mencintai kamu. Yang dia tahu dihati dan dimatanya hanya ada kamu satu-satunya.

-yep i don't know why the hell i'm in love with him..but i love him more than i loved anyone..

Walaupun kamu sudah memiliki teman istimewa atau kekasih, dia tidak perduli! Baginya yang penting kamu bahagia dan kamu tetap menjadi impiannya.

-- hmm..hmm..can't let him go...

Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu menerima kamu apa adanya, di hati dan matanya kamu selalu yang tercantik walaupun mungkin kamu merasa berat badan kamu sudah bertambah.

-yep..i don't look at anyone else..sorry

Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu ingin tahu tentang apa saja yang kamu lalui sepanjang hari ini, dia ingin tahu kegiatan kamu.

-yep..every day, every hour, every minute, every second

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan mengirimkan SMS seperti selamat pagi, selamat hari minggu, selamat tidur, take care, dan lain-lain lagi, walaupun kamu tidak membalas SMS-nya,kerana dengan kiriman SMS itulah dia menyatakan cintanya, menyatakan dalam
cara yang berbeda, bukan aku CINTA padamu, tapi berselindung ayat selain kata cinta itu.

-always do..poor me..

Jika kamu menyambut hari ulang tahun dan kamu tidak mengundangnya ke majlis yang
kamu adakan, setidak- tidaknya dia akan menelefon untuk mengucapkan selamat
atau mengirim SMS.

-its a must to wish him on his birthday!!

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan selalu mengingat setiap kejadian yang dia lalui
bersama kamu, bahkan mungkin kejadian yang kamu sendiri sudah melupakannya, kerana saat itu ialah sesuatu yang berharga untuknya. Dan saat itu, matanya pasti berkaca. kerana saat bersamamu itu tidak bisa berulang selalu.

-damn true..can't count the nites i've slept with tears..

Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu mengingati setiap kata-kata yang kamu ucapkan, bahkan mungkin kata-kata yang kamu sendiri lupa pernah mengungkapkannya. Kerana dia
menyematkan kata-kata mu di hatinya, berapa banyak kata-kata penuh harapan yang kau
tuturkan padanya, dan akhirnya kau musnahkan? pasti kau lupa, tetapi bukan orang yang mencintai kamu.

-i remembered..but it was all a lie was it?

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan belajar menggemari lagu-lagu kegemaran kamu, bahkan mungkin meminjam CD milik kamu, kerana dia ingin tahu apa kgemaran kamu - kesukaan kamu kesukaannya juga, walaupun sukar meminati kesukaan kamu, tapi akhirnya da berjaya.

-mm..i don't even know any other spider's song except aladdin before i met him..now i love listening to spider..

Kalau kali terakhir kalian bertemu kamu mungkin sedang selesema, atau batuk-batuk, dia akan sentiasa mengirim SMS atau menelefon untuk bertanya keadaan kamu - kerana dia bimbangkan tentang kamu, peduli tentang kamu.

-of course i'm worried..he's not working office hours..his work demanded more of his time..and he does need to be more healthy

Jika kamu mengatakan akan pergi kursus atau menghadapi ujian, dia akan menanyakan bila kursus atau ujian itu berlangsung, dan saat harinya tiba dia akan mengirimkan SMS good luck untuk memberi semangat kepada kamu.

-your guess?

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan memberikan suatu barang miliknya yang mungkin buat kamu itu ialah sesuatu yang biasa, tetapi baginya barang itu sangat istimewa.

-do want to give him something of mine..but never had the chance yet..

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan terdiam sesaat, ketika sedang bercakap di telefon dengan kamu, sehingga kamu menjadi bingung. Sebenarnya saat itu dia merasa sangat gugup kerana kamu telah menggegarkan dunianya.

-i loved the silence between us on the phone..

Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu ingin berada di dekat kamu dan ingin menghabiskan hari-harinya hanya dengan kamu.

-i want to spend my lifetime loving him..if i could..

Jika suatu saat kamu harus pindah ke daerah lain, dia akan sentiasa memberikan nasihat agar kamu waspada dengan persekitaran yang boleh membawa pengaruh buruk kepada kamu. dan jauh dihatinya dia benar-benar takut kehilangan kamu, pernah dengar jauh dimata, jauh dihati?

-yup..definitely true..

Orang yang mencintai kamu bertindak lebih seperti saudara daripada seperti seorang kekasih.

-i did treat him like my little boy..

Orang yang mencintai kamu sering melakukan hal-hal yang tidak masuk akal seperti menelefon kamu 100 kali dalam masa sehari. Atau mengejutkan kamu di tengah malam dengan mengirim SMS. Sebenarnya ketika itu dia sedang memikirkan kamu (merinduimu).

-always..i don't mind making even a thousand calls..but he does..

Orang yang mencintai kamu kadang-kadang merindukan kamu dan melakukan hal-hal yang membuat kamu pening kepala. Namun ketika kamu mengatakan tindakannya itu membuat kamu terganggu dia akan minta maaf dan tak akan melakukannya lagi.

-urgh..that's a bit hard..coz i always find myself repeating the same mistakes over n over again..

there you have it..an evaluation of myself as a lover..

a remembrance from my friendster profile

actually..i copied it from someone..haha..and as you can guess..its dedicated to that special someone..again..its for you sayang..

"Love knows no reasons. Love knows no lies. Love defies all reasons. Love has no eyes. Love is not blind... It sees, but it doesn't mind.

Three years ago..when you came into my life, my heart said, "I like you." As the days goes by, my heart said "I miss you." The moment I can't find you, my heart said, "I need you." And when I know more about you, my heart says, "I LOVE YOU."

Three years ago..when I saw you, I was afraid to look at you. When I looked at you, I was afraid to touch you. When I touched you, I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid I can't lose you."

joy..or dread?

huhuhu..well..i've got a good news today..i got through the IT officer interview with SPA..so now i'm on the way of becoming a "gomen" lady..hahaha..my mum is going to make 'pulut kuning'..guess she's happy i got a job with the govt instead of in the private sector..which she claims that the jobs will not be as permanent as the public sector..well..she's got a point there..

but then..i have to face k.piah tomorrow at cosmopoint..i wonder what she'll say..better bring some earplugs along..at least i will be working as an IT Officer..not some other kind of officers they have in the public sector..and if i reject the offer..the opportunity wont come again for the next three years!! that will be a waste..since i was a JPA scholarship holder..i do think i should thank the govt for paying for my studies..lol..so..yes..i'll definitely accept the offer..

Song for the day..

don't know what the title is..
performed by Lori Trager (April Matson) in Kyle XY (season 2 ep 06)

I've come undone
Nobody's won
Being alone
Has given me hope

The seeds that are sown
Here on my own
Are giving me hope
Hope to burn again

If I remember you,
Will you remember me?
If I remember you,
Will you remember me?

It killed me when you left
I become so torn
That once felt like theft
Is making me hope

Now that I can see
Who I'm meant to be
Now that I am one
I can burn again

If I remember you,
Will you remember me?
If I remember you,
Will you remember me?

And it's a silent voice
All I can hear
Ringin' in my ear
And it's your silent choice
Bring me new fears
It's bringing me to tears

If I remember you,
Will you remember me? (x4)

a song dedicated to the one i love..

this song really fits what i feel..but then..no point being selfish..
its for you sayang..

Ungu - Kau Untukku

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

Banyak kata
Yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
Kepada dirimu

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku..

new beginning huhh..

I've lost track of how many times i tried to start blogging..but then..I always find myself at a loss when I have lots to rave and rant about..especially this very morning's incident..

well..to start with..I'm jobless..no money..no asset..no looks (haha)..n nobody would want me in a relationship..okay that's off the topic..well..I went to this interview yesterday morning (saturday in Malaysia)..somehow..I didn't feel right about attending the interview..I was even late for it..but I just lied and told them I couldn't find the place..it was like a local company with grants from international bodies..namely to say..other countries' governments..military bodies..n such..i was interviewed by 2 professors..the post advertised was Programmer..but they said it was actually Researcher and Developer with programming skills (what is that?..so its an entirely different thing..?)..it was an interesting package..especially for those who like to dedicate their lives learning..which is actually one of my future life choices that I've been considering..(its not been confirmed yet..I'm still thinking about other alternatives!!)

this morning they called me and offered me the job..but I asked them to give me time frame to consider..was that too much to ask for? they asked me WHY I requested for time frame..isn't that obvious?? I need to consider!! its about my future..mind you..maybe it was my mistake too..I started talking about how uncomfortable for me to think that I might no be able to do the job..and with their international contacts and all..it was all too much for me to consider in such a short time..(it's not even 24 hours!!) then they asked.."how do you know when you haven't even come to the company and try it out?" and I said that I was not actually up for international contact..its just an excuse anyway..of course I want international contact..but not like that!! its too academic for me..and now it makes me realize how (1) I hate academic stuff..and the worst part is..they accused me of having a typical Malay thinking or whatever you call it..so WHAT if I have a damned typical Malay thinking? I AM a Malay..n proud of it..so I should have some of it right?
I am so offended by them..saying they are specialized in Human Factor Engineering..but they lack human interaction..they are so insensitive towards human beings..all I asked for was the time and space for me to think how it will change my life? how it will affect my future? and whether that's really the thing that I want for my future..its MY FUTURE..and they can't even understand that..

its not about the money..its about how I want my life to be..knowing that company..I'd rather work for a company that offered me less..just because they understand me as a human being..and that company just now..insulted my request as a human being..for the sake of MY LIFE..

if you are interested to be a researcher and work with them..contact me..I can give their details..but make sure that its your life decision..

lets face it..the only one who can change the person's future is the person him/herself..yes you can advise them..but its still up to them to decide whether its best for them..well..maybe I'm making mistakes now..but for as long as I am to live..I'll try the best I can..at what I CHOOSE to do..