new beginning huhh..

I've lost track of how many times i tried to start blogging..but then..I always find myself at a loss when I have lots to rave and rant about..especially this very morning's incident..

well..to start with..I'm jobless..no money..no asset..no looks (haha)..n nobody would want me in a relationship..okay that's off the topic..well..I went to this interview yesterday morning (saturday in Malaysia)..somehow..I didn't feel right about attending the interview..I was even late for it..but I just lied and told them I couldn't find the place..it was like a local company with grants from international bodies..namely to say..other countries' governments..military bodies..n such..i was interviewed by 2 professors..the post advertised was Programmer..but they said it was actually Researcher and Developer with programming skills (what is that?..so its an entirely different thing..?)..it was an interesting package..especially for those who like to dedicate their lives learning..which is actually one of my future life choices that I've been considering..(its not been confirmed yet..I'm still thinking about other alternatives!!)

this morning they called me and offered me the job..but I asked them to give me time frame to consider..was that too much to ask for? they asked me WHY I requested for time frame..isn't that obvious?? I need to consider!! its about my future..mind you..maybe it was my mistake too..I started talking about how uncomfortable for me to think that I might no be able to do the job..and with their international contacts and all..it was all too much for me to consider in such a short time..(it's not even 24 hours!!) then they asked.."how do you know when you haven't even come to the company and try it out?" and I said that I was not actually up for international contact..its just an excuse anyway..of course I want international contact..but not like that!! its too academic for me..and now it makes me realize how (1) I hate academic stuff..and the worst part is..they accused me of having a typical Malay thinking or whatever you call it..so WHAT if I have a damned typical Malay thinking? I AM a Malay..n proud of it..so I should have some of it right?
I am so offended by them..saying they are specialized in Human Factor Engineering..but they lack human interaction..they are so insensitive towards human beings..all I asked for was the time and space for me to think how it will change my life? how it will affect my future? and whether that's really the thing that I want for my future..its MY FUTURE..and they can't even understand that..

its not about the money..its about how I want my life to be..knowing that company..I'd rather work for a company that offered me less..just because they understand me as a human being..and that company just now..insulted my request as a human being..for the sake of MY LIFE..

if you are interested to be a researcher and work with them..contact me..I can give their details..but make sure that its your life decision..

lets face it..the only one who can change the person's future is the person him/herself..yes you can advise them..but its still up to them to decide whether its best for them..well..maybe I'm making mistakes now..but for as long as I am to live..I'll try the best I can..at what I CHOOSE to do..