the end of the day of the end..

hoho..after having wet hours..i finally decided to spend the day at midvalley..watching movie..at first i wanted go out with dayah n introduce her to tqa..but then..dayah kat kampung le plak..

i called up tqa to check whether she still have the GSC FunBreak coupons..but unfortunately she didn't..then i had the beautiful plan of having shy to print them for us..but then..shy is in kelana jaya..apparently he's been staying with his friend to ease the travel expenses..ouch..fufu..

so me n tqa planned to meet at the midvalley..i head out at 1330..n guess what..i only get to park at 1510..my God..i can't believe i spent almost 2 hours searching for parking..i can't help but cry in the car while swearing..it turns out to be my unluckiest day today..now i really hate midvalley parking lots..the machines keep coughing up tickets even though there were barely any parking space available..maybe they should use a system for parking sensors..haha..

wait a sec..not a bad idea rite?
like tqa said..it would be very nice if at the moment you get your ticket..a parking space is reserved for you..i like..
hmmmmmmmm..don't go stealing it!!

but the parking incidents only happens on weekends and holidays..the rest of the week..parking is still a pain..but still manageable..huhu..i hope the situation clears up soon..

okay..while i was swearing the hell out of me searching for parking..tqa was stuck with the KTM train being delayed for AN HOUR..well..she just can't stand waiting..(i would too..)..and take the putra instead..she was showering me with smses..but gomenasaii!! there were no mobile service in that damn part of the midvalley parking lot..i only received loads of her smses when i reached the central parking lot..after i finally get to park my car..thank God..

tqa bought the tickets for ratatouille (rat.a.too.ee..hehe) at 1840..so we stopped for some takoyaki..my favorite..then i went for my prayers..after that we head to jusco..because i need to use the washroom..gosh..the RUSS teddy bears are so cute! i just need to have one..huhu..

meet my new boyfriend..his name's Ben..i really had a hard time choosing since there were so many Bens there (as there many useless men out there..)..huhu..but still..i wasn't really picky at all..i just took the one that looks most adorable to me..he's not all that perfect..(nobody is)..but i still love him..since i chose him..i'm supposed to love him whether he's perfect or not rite?

you can't just pick someone up..and then let her/him down..just because she/he is not perfect..or just because she/he does not suit you anymore..from the moment you chose to love her/him..you are supposed to be ready to accept her/him as what they are..and what they will be..running out from a relationship..to me is nothing more than a coward..especially when you can't accept your own fault and don't want to take responsibility..for making that someone love you..and then to leave her/him..is just awful..

i've also got a cactus as a pet..haha..actually i bought the cactus when i went out with dayah last tuesday..come to think of it..i'm not sure what type of cactus is this..so i tried googling for it..but i can't seem to find any cactus that looked like this..is it really a cactus? huhu..don't really care..but i'll find the answer one day..



okay..back to the adventures of the day..after fooling around in jusco..we head to the secret recipe..i was dying for its noodle in tom yam kung..(try it!!)..it definitely made my day..(for a few hours..)..by the time we finished eating, it was time to hit the cinema..got ourselves some popcorn, mashed potato and corn-in-cup..and got seated..

i really love fictions..they really get you out of reality..huhuhh..i love ratatouille..must have it in my collection..hehe..actually..ratatouille refers to a peasant dish made by the famous chef Augusto..huhuh..but really..that rat is damn good cook..haha..

after the movie..i was planning to share fruit cocktail with tqa..on the way we stopped at one of the tills near the food court..n i got myself a handphone protective case..guess what's the colour?
haha..but unfortunately..all the desserts were sold out..so i had to settle with coke..

next..nothing soothes like crazy shopping (only for a few hours..)..that's when i got my Ben..also bought myself a new pair of shoes..again..haha..xpe xpe..kasut raya..huhu

then it was time to get back..since my car was parked quite a distance..so we decided to get the car first and park near the pay stations..why? because both of our handphones were dead..it was really hard reaching each other when i finally arrived IN the midvalley shopping complex..haha..then i dropped tqa at the lrt station..

and now..here i am..back again..alone to face the coming days..but since i have Ben..i think i'll be fine..hopefully..nice to meet you Ben..at least i know you will never leave me..

the day of the beginning and the end..

somehow there were no fireworks at klcc this year..
perhaps it was signaling the end of my relationship..
that started beneath them 3 yrs ago..

somehow my lucky charm chain broke..
and i couldn't find the piece everywhere i looked..
perhaps it was signaling the breaking of my heart..

its 31st august..its my relationship anniversary..
but its also the end..
thanx to no one but me n myself..
o yea..there's another someone who just don't know how to respect other people's relationship..
i would laugh out loud if hers comes to end..honestly..i hope so..

somehow i feel so alone..
even being amidst of thousands..
will not change how i feel..

somehow my whole life got shattered..
i tried to put them together..
but i just can't find the pieces that holds them together..

its so damn hard being this way..
i wish i could just disappear..
along with all the records of my existence in this world..
along with the memories of my existence in this world..

to my friends..please accept my apologies..
for worrying you much..
you all have been good friends..
i'll never forget..

an evaluation of myself as a lover..

Orang yang mencintai kamu tidak pernah mampu memberikan alasan kenapa dia mencintai kamu. Yang dia tahu dihati dan dimatanya hanya ada kamu satu-satunya.

-yep i don't know why the hell i'm in love with him..but i love him more than i loved anyone..

Walaupun kamu sudah memiliki teman istimewa atau kekasih, dia tidak perduli! Baginya yang penting kamu bahagia dan kamu tetap menjadi impiannya.

-- hmm..hmm..can't let him go...

Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu menerima kamu apa adanya, di hati dan matanya kamu selalu yang tercantik walaupun mungkin kamu merasa berat badan kamu sudah bertambah.

-yep..i don't look at anyone else..sorry

Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu ingin tahu tentang apa saja yang kamu lalui sepanjang hari ini, dia ingin tahu kegiatan kamu.

-yep..every day, every hour, every minute, every second

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan mengirimkan SMS seperti selamat pagi, selamat hari minggu, selamat tidur, take care, dan lain-lain lagi, walaupun kamu tidak membalas SMS-nya,kerana dengan kiriman SMS itulah dia menyatakan cintanya, menyatakan dalam
cara yang berbeda, bukan aku CINTA padamu, tapi berselindung ayat selain kata cinta itu.

-always do..poor me..

Jika kamu menyambut hari ulang tahun dan kamu tidak mengundangnya ke majlis yang
kamu adakan, setidak- tidaknya dia akan menelefon untuk mengucapkan selamat
atau mengirim SMS.

-its a must to wish him on his birthday!!

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan selalu mengingat setiap kejadian yang dia lalui
bersama kamu, bahkan mungkin kejadian yang kamu sendiri sudah melupakannya, kerana saat itu ialah sesuatu yang berharga untuknya. Dan saat itu, matanya pasti berkaca. kerana saat bersamamu itu tidak bisa berulang selalu.

-damn true..can't count the nites i've slept with tears..

Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu mengingati setiap kata-kata yang kamu ucapkan, bahkan mungkin kata-kata yang kamu sendiri lupa pernah mengungkapkannya. Kerana dia
menyematkan kata-kata mu di hatinya, berapa banyak kata-kata penuh harapan yang kau
tuturkan padanya, dan akhirnya kau musnahkan? pasti kau lupa, tetapi bukan orang yang mencintai kamu.

-i remembered..but it was all a lie was it?

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan belajar menggemari lagu-lagu kegemaran kamu, bahkan mungkin meminjam CD milik kamu, kerana dia ingin tahu apa kgemaran kamu - kesukaan kamu kesukaannya juga, walaupun sukar meminati kesukaan kamu, tapi akhirnya da berjaya.

-mm..i don't even know any other spider's song except aladdin before i met him..now i love listening to spider..

Kalau kali terakhir kalian bertemu kamu mungkin sedang selesema, atau batuk-batuk, dia akan sentiasa mengirim SMS atau menelefon untuk bertanya keadaan kamu - kerana dia bimbangkan tentang kamu, peduli tentang kamu.

-of course i'm worried..he's not working office hours..his work demanded more of his time..and he does need to be more healthy

Jika kamu mengatakan akan pergi kursus atau menghadapi ujian, dia akan menanyakan bila kursus atau ujian itu berlangsung, dan saat harinya tiba dia akan mengirimkan SMS good luck untuk memberi semangat kepada kamu.

-your guess?

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan memberikan suatu barang miliknya yang mungkin buat kamu itu ialah sesuatu yang biasa, tetapi baginya barang itu sangat istimewa.

-do want to give him something of mine..but never had the chance yet..

Orang yang mencintai kamu akan terdiam sesaat, ketika sedang bercakap di telefon dengan kamu, sehingga kamu menjadi bingung. Sebenarnya saat itu dia merasa sangat gugup kerana kamu telah menggegarkan dunianya.

-i loved the silence between us on the phone..

Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu ingin berada di dekat kamu dan ingin menghabiskan hari-harinya hanya dengan kamu.

-i want to spend my lifetime loving him..if i could..

Jika suatu saat kamu harus pindah ke daerah lain, dia akan sentiasa memberikan nasihat agar kamu waspada dengan persekitaran yang boleh membawa pengaruh buruk kepada kamu. dan jauh dihatinya dia benar-benar takut kehilangan kamu, pernah dengar jauh dimata, jauh dihati?

-yup..definitely true..

Orang yang mencintai kamu bertindak lebih seperti saudara daripada seperti seorang kekasih.

-i did treat him like my little boy..

Orang yang mencintai kamu sering melakukan hal-hal yang tidak masuk akal seperti menelefon kamu 100 kali dalam masa sehari. Atau mengejutkan kamu di tengah malam dengan mengirim SMS. Sebenarnya ketika itu dia sedang memikirkan kamu (merinduimu).

-always..i don't mind making even a thousand calls..but he does..

Orang yang mencintai kamu kadang-kadang merindukan kamu dan melakukan hal-hal yang membuat kamu pening kepala. Namun ketika kamu mengatakan tindakannya itu membuat kamu terganggu dia akan minta maaf dan tak akan melakukannya lagi.

-urgh..that's a bit hard..coz i always find myself repeating the same mistakes over n over again..

there you have it..an evaluation of myself as a lover..

a remembrance from my friendster profile

actually..i copied it from someone..haha..and as you can guess..its dedicated to that special someone..again..its for you sayang..

"Love knows no reasons. Love knows no lies. Love defies all reasons. Love has no eyes. Love is not blind... It sees, but it doesn't mind.

Three years ago..when you came into my life, my heart said, "I like you." As the days goes by, my heart said "I miss you." The moment I can't find you, my heart said, "I need you." And when I know more about you, my heart says, "I LOVE YOU."

Three years ago..when I saw you, I was afraid to look at you. When I looked at you, I was afraid to touch you. When I touched you, I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid I can't lose you."

joy..or dread?

huhuhu..well..i've got a good news today..i got through the IT officer interview with SPA..so now i'm on the way of becoming a "gomen" lady..hahaha..my mum is going to make 'pulut kuning'..guess she's happy i got a job with the govt instead of in the private sector..which she claims that the jobs will not be as permanent as the public sector..well..she's got a point there..

but then..i have to face k.piah tomorrow at cosmopoint..i wonder what she'll say..better bring some earplugs along..at least i will be working as an IT Officer..not some other kind of officers they have in the public sector..and if i reject the offer..the opportunity wont come again for the next three years!! that will be a waste..since i was a JPA scholarship holder..i do think i should thank the govt for paying for my studies..lol..so..yes..i'll definitely accept the offer..

Song for the day..

don't know what the title is..
performed by Lori Trager (April Matson) in Kyle XY (season 2 ep 06)

I've come undone
Nobody's won
Being alone
Has given me hope

The seeds that are sown
Here on my own
Are giving me hope
Hope to burn again

If I remember you,
Will you remember me?
If I remember you,
Will you remember me?

It killed me when you left
I become so torn
That once felt like theft
Is making me hope

Now that I can see
Who I'm meant to be
Now that I am one
I can burn again

If I remember you,
Will you remember me?
If I remember you,
Will you remember me?

And it's a silent voice
All I can hear
Ringin' in my ear
And it's your silent choice
Bring me new fears
It's bringing me to tears

If I remember you,
Will you remember me? (x4)

a song dedicated to the one i love..

this song really fits what i feel..but then..no point being selfish..
its for you sayang..

Ungu - Kau Untukku

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

Banyak kata
Yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
Kepada dirimu

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku..

new beginning huhh..

I've lost track of how many times i tried to start blogging..but then..I always find myself at a loss when I have lots to rave and rant about..especially this very morning's incident..

well..to start with..I'm jobless..no money..no asset..no looks (haha)..n nobody would want me in a relationship..okay that's off the topic..well..I went to this interview yesterday morning (saturday in Malaysia)..somehow..I didn't feel right about attending the interview..I was even late for it..but I just lied and told them I couldn't find the place..it was like a local company with grants from international bodies..namely to say..other countries' governments..military bodies..n such..i was interviewed by 2 professors..the post advertised was Programmer..but they said it was actually Researcher and Developer with programming skills (what is that?..so its an entirely different thing..?)..it was an interesting package..especially for those who like to dedicate their lives learning..which is actually one of my future life choices that I've been considering..(its not been confirmed yet..I'm still thinking about other alternatives!!)

this morning they called me and offered me the job..but I asked them to give me time frame to consider..was that too much to ask for? they asked me WHY I requested for time frame..isn't that obvious?? I need to consider!! its about my future..mind you..maybe it was my mistake too..I started talking about how uncomfortable for me to think that I might no be able to do the job..and with their international contacts and all..it was all too much for me to consider in such a short time..(it's not even 24 hours!!) then they asked.."how do you know when you haven't even come to the company and try it out?" and I said that I was not actually up for international contact..its just an excuse anyway..of course I want international contact..but not like that!! its too academic for me..and now it makes me realize how (1) I hate academic stuff..and the worst part is..they accused me of having a typical Malay thinking or whatever you call it..so WHAT if I have a damned typical Malay thinking? I AM a Malay..n proud of it..so I should have some of it right?
I am so offended by them..saying they are specialized in Human Factor Engineering..but they lack human interaction..they are so insensitive towards human beings..all I asked for was the time and space for me to think how it will change my life? how it will affect my future? and whether that's really the thing that I want for my future..its MY FUTURE..and they can't even understand that..

its not about the money..its about how I want my life to be..knowing that company..I'd rather work for a company that offered me less..just because they understand me as a human being..and that company just now..insulted my request as a human being..for the sake of MY LIFE..

if you are interested to be a researcher and work with them..contact me..I can give their details..but make sure that its your life decision..

lets face it..the only one who can change the person's future is the person him/herself..yes you can advise them..but its still up to them to decide whether its best for them..well..maybe I'm making mistakes now..but for as long as I am to live..I'll try the best I can..at what I CHOOSE to do..